There's No Place Like Home

I dreaded leaving Midland for the summer. Back to a not so exciting life of work and playing mom, back to responsibility; not that I wasn't responsible at school, I just had a little more room for recklessness. Summer vacation? I don't know if I would go so far as to call it a vacation. Not to mention I have to survive this drudgery without the companionship of my latest and greatest friends.

The first few days back were filled with unpacking (talk about a mess). Note to self: next time make a strategy to unpack instead of dumping everything in the middle of your floor, yikes. But as I go back to work and start hanging out with more friends, I've realized I'm happy to be home. It feels good to be missed. It feels good to see the faces and hear the laughter of those once familiar to me. I realize how much college has ostracized me from my friends from home. I feel guilty not having put in more of an effort to call and say "hey how's it going" or leave a text saying "just thinking of you, wanted to say hey". It's not that I didn't want to, it's just that sometimes life got a little hectic. I thought about doing it, it just never happened. I hope to rekindle those relationships that I may have let fall a little from my grasp and work harder towards staying in touch next school year.

But in the mean time, even though I may dread things like going to work some days or cleaning the house, I am going to enjoy my time home. I'm going to enjoy the familiarity, the little bit of relaxation, and the ones I love because after this year I don't know how often I'll be back. As much as I hated Toledo while growing up, it's really true when they say there's no place like home.

Lesson #2: Ignorance is Bliss

There's always those people you make fun of for being crazy, whether it's a teacher, a friend, a manager. This person does random things you can't wrap your mind around, or has extreme mood swings, or says things that leave you wondering. Normally you shake your head and laugh with the ability to move on, maybe sometimes it gets to you, it all depends on the situation. When you're talking about it with friends later you say things like 'they're crazy' or 'they've lost their mind'. With this 'insane' behavior you do a couple things. You use it to poke fun of the person. You use it as an explanation as to why someone does something. Or you might even use it as an excuse. But what happens when it's not just a way of describing someone's actions anymore? What if this whole time that person really was crazy.

A diagnosis changes everything. Maybe you started to notice a change in mood/behavior. Maybe you began to think 'this person is losing it'. You comment about it and crack jokes about it, but after a diagnosis, it's not so funny any more. You might have assumed something at first, but it wasn't a for sure thing. Once diagnosed it's much more real. You don't joke about it anymore because it's not funny.

Then you look back at the relationship you have with this person. In the case of a bad relationship, regret hits. Maybe it wasn't their fault they were so moody or so angry or said so many weird things? Maybe their legitimate craziness was the cause. Then it's 'I wish I would have been nicer. They couldn't help what they were doing, but I could have been the bigger person. I could have walked away. I could have apologized. There's something I could have done.'

And finally, you worry. First it's 'what will people think?' Will people begin to judge you when you're associated with someone who's sick? Will they begin to use that as an excuse when you do things they don't understand? Then it's 'what about me?' It could happen to anyone, and it did. 'Am I next?' What does one do to protect himself from becoming crazy? Like it's a disease that's contagious or something...

And the whole time all you can think is I wish I never knew. You'd much rather sit around and continue to make fun of it because it's just a joking assumption. It's not real. But the moment it's solidified you realize ignorance is bliss.

Judging Character 101

A year ago I could not believe I was walking across the stage at high school graduation. Where had the past four years gone? Okay, more like the past 18 years. It was time to say my goodbyes. Goodbye to Whitmer High School, goodbye to acquaintances, family, and friends, goodbye Toledo, Ohio. I was scared and excited at the same time.

As I look back, it seems as though those four years of high school combined took twice as long as my freshman year of college. Where has the time gone? As another one of my friend's said, I regret not having started a blog sooner. So a recap of this past year will have to do.

I remember my first day of freshman orientation like it was yesterday. In the moment it was fun, and it made me look forward to coming back after labor day weekend. As I look back on it though, I realize I had probably not made the smartest decisions, and that I was a lucky girl. This past year has come and gone and I feel like the past year was a bunch of similar situations like my first day-- fun in the moment, yet as I look back I wonder what was I thinking?

I am proud of myself in so many ways. Finishing my first year. Maintaining my place on the President's List. Making new friends. Being part of a fashion show. Joining a sorority. Learning how to play the guitar. Doing many things that I had never imagined myself doing.

I had my highs, but also had my lows and disappointments. Like any other college freshman, I came in terrified of how I was going to get along with my roommate. I am disappointed in myself for having been one to judge a book by it's cover. Having labeled my roommate before even arriving at school, I was rude and snobbish towards her. After living together for a year, I have come to love and accept her for the person she is. While I may not always agree with the things she says or does, I am able to tell her my concerns without worrying about her taking offense or being mad. I regret that first month that I pushed her away and sincerely apologize for my behavior. I feel as though my judge of character is my biggest problem. I am quick to judge and ostracize those whom I end up becoming close with, and originally accept those who let me down in the end. My biggest regret looking back on this year is being that naive freshman girl. Thinking that he really wanted me and didn't have an ulterior motive. The signs were all there and they all warned me, but I refused to listen. While I am disappointed in myself I can look on the bright side of the situation and prepare myself for the next guy that comes along. I know what to look for and not to fall so easily. I may have these regrets, but feel as though I am wiser from my experiences.

I am ready for a break from the education aspect, but am not ready to leave my social life for the next three months. Midland is now my home, my life. Going back to Toledo I feel like I am not going back to much. Yes, there are a few people I miss and want to see, but after a few weeks of being home I know I will want to come back. I'm going to miss the socializing in the dorms, the late night heart-to-hearts with my roommates and best friends, the pranks. As weird as it sounds, I'm already looking forward to my return in August!