Travel the World

I recently had the opportunity to study abroad in London, England. Ask me if I learned what was on the syllabus and I couldn't tell ya, but I'm thankful I got the opportunity to go to see the cultural differences.

Difference #1: Style vs. comfort. One of the most obvious differences was the style of dress. As probably expected, those in London are quite fashionable. Rarely did I see a woman wearing jeans, and if I did, they were skinny jeans accompanied by some style of high boot. I'm pretty sure it was obvious that I was a tourist because I was more worried about being comfortable, wearing jeans every day, sometimes with tennis shoes. Comfort was not a concern for the women in London, though. Many wore high heels and other fashionable shoes, which would normally not be that big of a deal, but considering how far one might walk to get to work or their point of interest, my feet hurt just thinking about it.

Difference #2: Size. Everything in London was smaller. The size of the roads and sidewalks, the size of the cars, the size of the people. I think the whole week I was there, I saw all of two people that you could classify as being "obese". This probably has something to do with the smaller portions and healthier foods served there. What would be considered a small drink and fry here was actually a medium in London. One morning I ordered french toast. Here in America when you order french toast you normally expect at least two pieces, sometimes even three. Much to my surprise when I received my order, there was one piece of french toast sitting on my plate. While it was probably the most delicious piece of french toast I've ever eaten in my life, it was only a start to what I would consider breakfast.

Difference #3: The Tube. The tube is the subway system in London. While there are places in America that have subways like New York, Atlanta, etc., living in Toledo, it was something new for me. We spent probably half of our trip on the tube or waiting for the tube, in order to get from point A to B. At home when I make plans to go somewhere I might have to leave ten minutes early in order to get there. In London when making plans, you might have to leave 45 minutes or an hour before the planned time because there is so much starting and stopping on the tube. Night life also changes when the tube stops running at 12. Ask a group of Northwood students who went out one night. They left the club at 2 in the morning and didn't get back to the hotel until 6:30 because they didn't know how the nightly bus system worked.

Difference #4: The clubs. Here in America clubbing is an activity for those in their late teens, and early 20s. Once a couple gets married, they are more likely to settle down and not go out "partying" as much. This wasn't the case in London. At the clubs there were people of all ages. I even saw a women and men who were probably in their mid 30s to early 40s dancing and having a good time. The dancing was also different. Here we dance with our hips and shake our butts, but there they dance with their feet. When a man asked me to dance, he simply grabbed my hands and started stepping from side to side. A lot less pressure for a girl like me who is self conscious about her dancing.

These are just some of the main differences. It doesn't even begin to include things like the different electrical outlets, the hustle and bustle of the busy city, the high price differences, etc.

Many times people in our group got called out for being American. "Oh, you're American, aren't you?" This made me nervous in a way. We don't hear many good things about how Americans are viewed. I was nervous these people were meeting me and automatically stereotyping me, maybe one I didn't deserve: loud, rude, cocky. I had a conversation with a custodial worker at the St. Paul's Cathedral, and he told us some of their viewpoints on Americans. He said many people there don't realize we are in an economic slump. They all think we're very wealthy, which causes some bitter feelings. But we all know this isn't the case.

As I said, many times Americans are viewed as loud and arrogant by other cultures. But after traveling I don't think that's necessarily the case. I think it's a matter of being ignorant. Traveling these days is so expensive and the U.S. is so large that we often travel inside of our country instead of to other ones. We don't have the same opportunity they do in Europe for example, where the countries are so close that it's much easier to travel and experience something different than it is here. It's not that we think we're better than others, we just don't know anything else and don't know there are other ways out there. That's why I encourage everyone to travel the world, if possible. I know I can't wait to do it again :)

Wants vs. Needs

So it's been a really long time since I've written last, but I've been extremely busy. The school year started up again and a lot of things have changed. First and foremost I'm living in a two bedroom apartment instead of on campus.

With this apartment comes the feeling of being an adult; having the ability to say I live on my own. While most people would argue, "well last year you lived on your own" I would disagree. Because of the closeness and the living quarters I never felt as though I was on my "own". There was always something going on on campus, and when there wasn't, a friends room was no more than a 3 minute walk to the end of Dubois purple hall. While I admit I hated the screaming in the hallway while I was trying to do homework or sleep at night, there was a sense of comfort being surrounded by students that I could relate to. While I enjoy saving hundreds of dollars a month, I have to admit I miss the dorms and spending time with friends from last year.

So, what does it take in order to live on your own? What does one need in order to survive? Well, my eyes have been opened to the popular controversy of wants vs. needs. When I was in high school, I always needed everything. If I wanted it, usually I had to have it. Want and need were synonymous; there was no difference between the two.

As I continue on with the year I am surprised at the amount of things that I no longer need. People think I'm crazy because I don't have cable. I had it at home and I enjoyed watching tv every now and then. I had my regular shows- House, Grey's Anatomy, etc. But I have little need for cable here. I run around like a chicken with my head cut off and don't have time to watch television even if I wanted to. We have a DVD player set up with our tv so I can watch a movie when I have time, but what's the point in paying $30+ a month for something that I won't even use?

Sweets. At home I would allow myself to indulge in a sweet treat every now and then, no harm done. But having to buy my own groceries and spend my own money, I now realize that those too, are wants and not needed. What's even better is now that the cakes and the cookies aren't in my cupboard, I'm no longer thinking about them either. "Out of sight, out of mind."

Our apartment is still a work in progress; it's kind of empty with a lot of wall space waiting to be decorated. But I've learned a lot about what's necessary in order to live.

You learn how to take what you once would have considered garbage or trash and turn it into an arts and crafts project that you can hang on the wall. This makes your place that much better because it's something personal, something unique. It shows your personality, and gives that homey feeling.

Lacking funds really teaches you how to decide what's worth the purchase? A lot of times we buy things we think we need, but in the long run we forget about them and they end up sitting in our room until we clean or move out. In the meantime, when the next emergency comes up we're out of the $70 we spent on that thing that's just sitting in our room.

It's not about the quantity. It's not the more things you have, the better. It's about appreciating what you do have. Taking the things you can afford and showing them off in a way that shows you're proud to own it. Things, possessions- those are tangible items that can be taken from you, stolen. But the pride you have invested in your home and valuables, that can never be taken. You will always remember the pride you felt when you finished putting together that bookshelf or the excitement you felt after hanging the first painting on the wall. Cherish it.

There Ain't No Reason

Lately I've been struggling with the concept of reasoning. Why do things happen? Why don't other things happen? Am I being punished for something I did? There's those who believe in fate and others who believe you create your own destiny.

Towards the beginning of the summer I was all about taking chances. I was about making things happen. Trying to manipulate a situation. I was struggling with there being a "right" time vs a "wrong" time and not knowing which was when.

Another popular saying 'good things take time,' sums up my attitude about the situation from here-on-out. I've decided that patience is the key. There are times when we known when to act on situation but for those instances we don't know what to do, why would we act? Our uncertainty only leaves room for recklessness and damage.

I realize we don't always have time. It is poor to wait too long, because we don't have forever. If we wait too long, we simply end up with nothing. But when you're faced with a dilemma, you usually know your time frame; you know when it's too late.

Rarely do we take the time to stop and think about our actions. We don't think about the possible repercussions, about the positives and the negatives. As a country we are wrapped up in the idea 'the sooner the better,' when that's not necessarily the answer. We're always rushing from one place to the next, one idea to the next. Time is money, so the faster we move the more money we make or save. But then there is evidence that faster is not always better. That the faster we move, the more likely we are to mess up. And depending on the severity of the damage, the consequence could be great.

So if you're unsure, why rush it? If you're hesitant, sometimes it's better to play it safe than sorry.

Everyone's heard the saying "everything happens for a reason." It's weird when you think about it though, because we're always using it when we don't understand why something is happening, or not happening for that matter. And it's usually bad things or things we don't want to happen. It's like we need to justify the reason for every single occurrence. Then five years down the road when something good happens you say 'oh, so this why I didn't get that job promotion,' or 'this is why he dumped me.' We always need a reason for everything. But the reality of it is, sometimes there is no good reason. Things just happen. Sometimes they're bad, sometimes they're good, and often times they're unexplainable.

Bad things will happen in life. Sometimes explainable, sometimes they're not. But don't dwell on it too long. Time will pass. And as time passes good things will begin to come. It's all about perception. The more you focus on the bad/negative and find things to complain about, well then it will seem like your life is less satisfactory than others. But by appreciating the good and enjoying what you are given, you might be able to see things once viewed as bad in a new light.

So let's stop trying to explain everyday occurrences. We would be able to move on much more quickly if we stopped dwelling on what already happened. Just accept it for what it is and concentrate on what can be.

Be Charitable

It seems as though our world is always in trouble. Poverty, war, natural disasters, you name it. For those of us strongly affected by these things, we want to do something to help. We want to reach out to those in need whether it's volunteering our time, money, etc.

Charity. That is what we call our actions or donations of helping others. There are charities out there for everything. Animals, illnesses, education, veterans. It's a never-ending list. And once you donate to one charity, it seems they all expect something from you.

Recently at work we have started selling dollar-donation cards. You pay a dollar and write your name on a card with a picture of a cute kitten or puppy. Your donation then goes to Maumee Valley Save-A-Pet. You can spend the rest of the day feeling good because you "saved a life." I was surprised at how many people were willing to donate a dollar, but at the same time wasn't surprised or offended if someone rejected the opportunity.

The other day a boy of 8 or 10 came through my line. I didn't ask him if he wanted to donate a dollar simply because he was so young. I figured, kids want to save their money to buy things like video games, toys, and movies. I watched as the boy pulled all of the change out of his pocket and put it in a donation box on my register. This box is always there and goes to Nature's Nursey, an organization interested in helping preserve wildlife. He paid for his purchase and also put his change in the box. While it may not have been a lot, it still touched my heart to see this act of generosity from someone so young. It made me think... I was then disappointed in all those people who refused to donate. While I understand that there are those who simply cannot afford to donate a dollar, I would have to assume that those who can afford to buy $40 and $50 bags of dog food can spare an extra dollar to help feed and care for those animals who are incapable/in need of a loving home. This boy who has no income except for maybe a weekly or monthly allowance just gave what little he had and yet those adults who have steady incomes rudely mumble "NO" or make an excuse as to why they don't want to donate.

There's a lot of problems in the world. And there's a lot of organizations to attempt to help/solve these problems, but we're in trouble if we're going to be relying on children to step up and empty their piggy banks.

"Everyone thinks of changing the world but no one thinks of changing himself." -Leo Tolstoy

We as adults find others to point our fingers at and blame for the problems. "Those republicans," or "those blacks," or "those Jews." It's never our fault nor is it our responsibility to try to help. These accusations and stereotypes then only create more problems and more organizations.

We can't change the world, we can merely change our attitudes and behaviors about the way we perceive it. By living in a manner that shows your beliefs, values, passions, you can then encourage and motivate others. But until you are living in a way that shows you are trying to be the best you can be, why should anyone want to follow?

Like I said, I realize we can't donate to every organization because there are probably millions if not billions out there. But if you get the opportunity to donate a dollar or volunteer for a cause you believe in, why not do it? It may not seem like a like of money, or you might not be able to put a lot of hours into it, but think about it... if 50 people at each Pet Supplies Plus store donated a dollar every day we'd be making $200 per day. This donation is running throughout the month of August, or for 31 days. 31 days multiplied by $200 is $6,200 dollars. If each of us do our own small part, we can maker a bigger and better contribution. By playing our role, we come together as a whole, to make this world a better place...

The World Is Black, The World Is White

What Would You Do?

A reality show on ABC, ever heard of it?. The executives create a scenario and hire actors to role play. They then use hidden cameras to record real people's reactions to the scenario at hand. I'd never heard of this show until last weekend when I happened to catch the end of it. The show had hired three white, teenage males to vandalize a car bought for the show. In the parking lot of a public park the boys spray painted foul language and kicked the car. A few passerby approached the boys and confronted them about their behavior, many just passed the boys in utter shock, too afraid to approach or comment because they were outnumbered.

The produces were then curious what would happened if they switched from white teenagers to black ones. The result? Three phone calls to the police within minutes. No one approached the boys. Immediate action was taken. Oh but it gets better. The show highlighted these points and people's responses to white vs. black. Notice how the police were called at least three times for the black boys, and not at all for the white. I forgot to mention, the police were called once during the white boys time. Oh, but wait. The black actors had fallen asleep in a car nearby. Someone had called to report that there were a couple black teenagers that looked like they were ready to rob something or someone. Wait, WHAT?! Is this a joke? Three boys are vandalizing, spray painting, and kicking a car, and yet the sleeping black boys have the police called on them. Really??


Racism. It's obviously not as big of a problem as it used to be, but sometimes it surprises me that it's still as bad as it is. Why do people think they are better than someone because of the color of their skin? The only thing I can come up with is ignorance.

People come up with these ideas about people of different colors and different races. They don't give anyone a chance. Well in personal experience I've noticed a few things. When you create a stereotype, you pull out actions/appearances that support these stereotypes. You ignore the people that don't match your profile, yet you attack the ones that do. By ignoring those who disprove your theory, you're missing your opportunity to learn. Point #2: there gets to be a certain point when we just give up. Example: a young child in school, the reputation is he's a trouble maker. At first he tries to show his teachers and peers that they have a misconception of him. But every good thing he does goes ignored and only the bad noticed. Well, what's the point in him trying if it's not going to help? He quits trying and goes with the 'bad boy' behavior, acting out more than he used to. White people get these misconceptions about people of color. The people of color try to break the barrier yet their efforts go unnoticed. Why should they try to conform if we're not going to accept them either way?

How about this...White people have this idea that many people of color (not just blacks) are criminals. But as we saw from What Would You Do? statistics could be wrong. The crime of the whites went ignored. What other crimes/trouble caused by whites have gone ignored? Are criminal records and statistics accurate? Crime is crime, no matter the color of your skin.

On the other end, I believe using the term "racism" has gotten out of hand. If a white person were to have a problem with someone of color, it's automatically "because [they're] black." I don't think this is right either. Racism isn't something to joke around about.

Recently a former teacher/basketball coach and a family friend of mine has been accused of being racist. Supposedly he's made some vulgar and racial comments. In my opinion these accusations are pure ignorance. Anyone that knows this person knows that he is a "jokester." He likes to make people laugh. While his comments may be inappropriate at times, he would never do anything to purposely offend anyone, and if told he was offending, I believe he would change his actions immediately. Before screaming "RACIST" these people need to think about the repercussions of their accusations. Not only are they calling this man a racist, but they are potentially ruining his career, reputation, and life because even if he is not a racist (which he in no way, shape, or form is) he still has to deal with the media, the board of education, the NAACP, and the new false identity created for him.

Ever heard the song black and white by Three Dog Night?

The ink is black, the page is white
Together we learn to read and write
A child is black, a child is white
The whole world looks upon the sight, a beautiful sight

And now a child can understand
That this is the law of all the land, all the land

The world is black, the world is white
It turns by day and then by night
A child is black, a child is white
Together they grow to see the light, to see the light

And now at last we plainly see
We'll have a dance of Liberty, Liberty!


We are not the United States in any form. Color of skin is just one of the many things that separate us as a country. Until we can learn to accept each other for who we are, no matter our race, social status, gender, etc. we will continue to be divided. Until we can surrender our pride and cease judgement, only then will we be united. As the song says, only then will we have Liberty. Unfortunately, I believe it will be a LONG time, if ever, that we will come together as one. I hope we prove me wrong.

There's A Fine Line Between Good and Bad

Good vs. Evil, a popular controversy.

While I often question the “evil” and lack understanding of their actions, I realize it is necessary to have evil in order to have the so-called “good”. For without “bad” actions we would have nothing to compare the actions of those “good-doers” to. We would simply all be the same, and who knows what our label would then be without the “good” vs. the “bad.”

There are occupations created in order to prevent the “evil,” policemen, lawyers, judges, our government (ha ha). It is their duty to protect their citizens and preserve honesty, and justice.

Justice. What is justice? Well, dictionary definition says that justice is the fairness or reasonableness, especially in the way people are treated or decisions are made. But really, lets face it; do victims of crime ever get the justice they deserve? What exactly is just for a murderer? Who’s to decide?

After watching the movie Law Abiding Citizen I began to question the actions of those considered “good.” How could Jamie Fox’s character make an agreement with the guilty that allowed him to get off with a lesser punishment? Not to mention the fact that the criminal lied in his testimony and his partner in crime is the one who was sentenced to death. This man sentenced to death wasn’t innocent per say, but he was falsely accused for the crime at hand.

So how are we to trust lawyers when they make deals with criminals? Jamie Fox’s excuse was if he didn’t make the deal the man would have gotten off without any sentence. Whether this man is released after a few years in prison or isn’t sentenced at all, he’s still returning to society. Would a few years in jail really chance his character? Gerard Butler's character didn't think so--all he wanted is what was right. Knowing that his attorney fought for the right thing (which wasn't making deals with criminals).

What about those lawyers who defend the murderers? Although some do not choose their case but are assigned to those who cannot afford one, what about those lawyers who take on the challenge of defending those who have been charged with murder. I cannot help but question the morals of those who choose to defend those who are without a doubt, guilty of serious crimes. In some cases it boils down to insanity. Okay, I can surrender to reason of insanity, as long as it’s the truth and not some made up excuse for the crime at hand.

And what about punishment? The death penalty? Is that the proper punishment? It’s a bit hypocritical if you ask me. We’re fighting out against the actions of murderers, against killing, and yet, there are court systems that kill as a means of punishment. So we fix killing with killing? What?

Parenting is another area where lines become hazy. A little boy gets angry with his sister and pushes her down. Punishment: a spanking. It’s the same idea as the example with the death penalty. How can we teach our children not to push, shove, and hit, when we’re punishing them with spanking. Are we saying it’s okay to hit someone when they’re wrong? Finding a proper punishment is challenging. Different people are affected by different things.

I think the intentions behind “good’s” actions are intended to be noble. The “good” simply want to eliminate as much bad as possible. But I feel as though the means they use going about it can be questionable. I understand that options are limited, but I don’t always agree with what is done. It’s a difficult thought though, knowing that even the “good” perform “bad” things. It's inevitable I suppose, but then are they still good? Can we as "good" people just have moments of weaknesses? Because then can't the "bad" use the same argument? What does it become?

First Time's a Charm

Comparisons. We as humans like to compare everything. Comparisons are like decisions--we make so many of them that a lot of the time we don't realize we're comparing something, it's second nature. We compare people, classes, the weather, the current day to previous ones. We compare it all.

Specifically, we compare repeat occurrences. What do I mean by this? Example: School. We go back every year and even though we're in a different grade level, we compare our sophomore year to our freshman year and so on. Example: We go to the same vacation spot twice. Example: We order the same meal at a restaurant more than once...Get it?

Sometimes when we compare repeat occurrences, we find that the second time was better than the first. Great. But a lot of times it seems as though the event doesn't get any better than it was the first time. In fact, in a lot of cases it might seem worse.

When we do something for the first time there is uncertainty. We do not know what to expect, so everything about the situation is an adventure. New atmosphere, new ideas, new things. It's exciting, maybe nerve-wracking. Therefore, everything that happens, whether bad or good, kind of puts you in awe or in a state of amazement. Not only is it a thrill, but it also becomes a memory. Every person has a handful of stories that could be classified as "first time" memories. From these first times experiences , we expect future situations to be the same. Example: Freshman year was fun, sophomore year will be just as fun.


For those good first time experiences though, it's hard to repeat that same joy/fun. If something is different we automatically compare it to what happened last time. We find ourselves telling stories of the previous trip, the previous school year, etc. "I had fun, but last year..."

When we do something more than once, we lose the "first time" feeling. There's no awe, no mystery. We no longer have to wonder what's going to happen because we have already experienced it, we already know. That rush from the unknown "what if" is gone.


You finish sophomore year and think to yourself, "Wow, sophomore year was nowhere near as fun as freshman year." Well, it makes sense. You've been through a year of college and are wiser than before. You learned lessons from last year and decide not to make the same mistakes. You study for tomorrow's test instead of stay out all night partying. You keep a lot of the same friends but maybe learn there are some people it's better to be acquaintances with. Some people from the previous year will have left and new ones will have arrived, but you pretty much know the scene. You don't wonder what's going to happen, if this professor will be challenging, or this party fun because you already know. You had fun your sophomore year, but the magic of being independent isn't quite as exciting because we know the consequences.

It's important to find joy and amusement in life. It's okay to be amazed and curious by the little things some people don't give the time of day to think about-- it makes every experience new. By looking closer, we notice things we have never seen before, and it brings back the awe, the magic.

With that being said, it's important to try to keep an open mind. Look at every experience as a new one, even if we've already done it. Find pleasure in life's little treasures. Things change. Instead of comparing a situation to how it used to be, accept it for what it is. Find something to enjoy about the new situation. If we can't look past the changes we'll find ourselves missing out on the joy and excitement because we were too busy reminiscing on something we can't get back.

Everything Changes

When ringing out the last customer of the night on Thursday, it became apparent a snake was being bought. Aquarium-check. Bedding-Check. Lighting-Check. Next time he returned, his tank would be set up and he would be ready to buy the snake of his choice. Okay, so what? I work at a pet store. People buy snakes all the time. What's so special about this customer?

After he left one of my co-workers informed me that our last customer of the night was terrified of the reptile. "Huh?" was the only thought running through my mind. "Yea," Scott said. 'He's buying a snake in order to get over his fear of them.' At this moment in time I had a great amount of respect for this customer. We as humans live in fear every day and sometimes let our fear get the best of us, yet here was this man who was looking his fear in the face and saying "What Now?!"

So, I got to thinking. What am I afraid of? What fears are stopping me from living?

Change. Life changes daily. The weather, our mood, our feelings, likes and dislikes, and much, much more. There are some instances in which I enjoy change. A new hair do, lose a couple pounds, new wardrobe. This type of change is refreshing. Often times when we change the way we look we feel good, we feel new. A new beginning and a chance for us to start over. Forget what needs to be forgotten and take the steps necessary to recover from a fall.

The change I fear, is the change that caused me to fall in the first place. It is the thing responsible for the lifestyle change I chose to make.


Someone whom I am very close with recently told me that it's impossible to get to know me. She said that I build a wall around myself and refuse to let people in. I didn't disagree with this for one minute because I know it's true. But I also know that as we grow older things are different. I realize people drift apart, we find new places to call "home", we become grown up. Things change. With this knowledge I have chosen to keep people out for I fear forming a relationship, loving someone, and having to experience the pain of losing that relationship and that love.

I choose to put my secrets, my life stories, myself, into different individuals whom I trust so that no one person has complete power over me. So that if one person were to abuse my trust, or leave, it is only a small setback. I will not be destroyed or devastated, simply upset by their departure. I see the way people forget so easily. Many people are no longer friends, but acquaintances. Memories.

I enjoy getting to know people, listening to their stories. But I'm the one who's always listening. No one gets the pleasure of knowing me. What experiences make me the person I am today?

While it's important to listen, I also feel like I have a lot to share with the world. No one made a difference by only listening. Those who made a change spoke out- loudly, passionately, proudly. So I'm challenging myself to break down the walls- to let others get to know me, for more than just the goofy girl I seem to be.

Changes in relationships allow us to form new relationships, new friendships, all unique and beautiful in their own way. We will know many people over our lifetimes, and many people will leave. But we learn lessons from these people- lessons that will stay with us forever.

It's ironic ya know, to be afraid of change, because the reality is, the only thing that can we can ever really guarantee is that things are going to change.

Choose Wisely

Making decisions can be hard. We make millions of decisions on a daily basis. What should I have for breakfast? Red shirt or yellow shirt? Should I study for tomorrow's test orrrr go hangout with my friends? Every action we perform is a decision we make. We know that the decisions we make impact our daily lives (whether great or small), but we do not always realize that every decision we make also affects the lives of others too. When your roommate goes to eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch for breakfast and there is none left, it is because of the decision you made yesterday morning to have that same cereal. When you decided to study, your friends too decided maybe they should study for another test and as a result you both get As.

When the ball is in your court it's easy to take credit for the good decisions that were made. It also leaves you to take responsibility for the not so good decisions. It's a tough lesson to learn, but it's a necessary reality check.

Unfortunately, sometimes the decisions that other people make affect us in a negative way. One of the most common examples seen today is divorce. Kids and teens are forced to suffer the repercussions of the decision their parents made, a decision that can sometimes scar a kid for life.

This happens a lot in life- being negatively affected by a decision made by someone else. A professor assigns an 8 page paper due next Wednesday, so we have to give up our weekend to write it. Our friend ditches out on the plans we made, so we have to find something else to do and become angry with them.

When making a decision it is important to remember that you must live with what you choose. It is critical to think about the negative outcomes that could potentially arise. Would you be okay if that's what happened? That's what regret is: wishing you had made the other choice. Will you regret that decision if this is the outcome?

We remember those times we were hurt by the impact of others choices. In the case of a divorce there's a "bad" parent and a "good" parent. This affects the way we make decisions, always being in favor of what the "good" parent wants, and disagreeing with anything the "bad" parent says.

It is important to remember there is a time when the ball will be in our court to make the decision, a decision that can severely impact the lives of those people around us. When these people are the ones that have hurt us before, the question becomes "Why should I help them? They've hurt me and now it's time to live with the decisions they've made." Rarely do we think of others when making a decision; we only think about ourselves. But there is a problem when you've studied the options and are choosing one that is not best for the whole. When you are making a decision only because it hurts those who hurt you.

Our pride tends to get in the way. "I've made it this far without you and I don't need you now." Maybe we have come far without their help, and yes, maybe we don't need it, but I think in most scenarios we want it. We wish we had the opportunity to go into the past and get back all the times we needed a parent, a friend, help. Don't be stubborn. It's a hard thing to do, forgive, and we will never forget. It's a process that requires baby steps and time, but it's one well worth it in the end. We can't change the past, but we sure as hell can make up for lost times.

You're Never Alone

For us single people, it can be painful to live from day to day and watch couples around us walk hand-in-hand being happy. For me it's not so much painful, but maybe a thought of 'I wish I had that' crosses my mind. Every now and then I miss knowing I have someone that loves me unconditionally, in an intimate way, more than "just friends."


For most women, I feel like one of our biggest fears is ending up alone. From the first time we watch our first romance movie, we can't wait to have a boyfriend of our own, to hold hands, to have a first kiss. Then to accompany our first love we experience our first break-up and wish we'd never liked him in the first place. Our friends console us by telling us that he was a jerk and we deserve better but we asks ourselves what's wrong with me? Why doesn't he like me? What can I change? From that point on we change and mold ourselves into what other people (specifically our flavor of the week) want us to be. For some reason we subconsciously think it is better to be unhappy trying to be something we're not than being alone.


We've all been there before. There's a guy. Sweet, charming, cute. Catches you off guard and WHAM, you've fallen off your feet (onto your face nonetheless). While attempting to pick yourself up from the fall you are too blind to realize that maybe he's not that great, and once again assume the position on your face while you're falling for his smile, jokes, and personality. You like the affection, the nicknames, cuddling.


Then one day you realize something's not the same. He's not calling anymore- you always are, and he's not answering. Not only isn't he answering, but he's not returning. But it's perfectly acceptable for him to call you when it's convenient for him. He does some questionable things and your friends warn you. Instead of agreeing you stick up for him, make excuses. "Yea, well he's been really busy lately..." or "He's just having an off day."


We always find some excuse. We're sure he still likes us. Well, from personal experience it's either one of two things. 1) He's not the person you thought he was or 2) He's just not that into you (whether his feelings deteriorated over time or he never really was in the first place but just liked the fun of it). We let them walk all over us and hurt our feelings, and yet we defend them. Why?


I tried researching this. I didn't know if there was some chemical in women's brains that made them hold on. I didn't find anything about any chemical imbalances, but did find an interesting fact: " Romantic rejection triggers the same circuits in the brain as does physical pain." This is an interesting point but confusing to me at the same time. For instance, when we're babies one of the lessons we learn is to avoid the oven. We accidently put our hands on the oven door and are burned. We then associate the oven with being hot, and hot with hurting. So from then on we try our hardest to avoid touching hot things. So why isn't it the same with guys and their antics? These rejections trigger the same circuits as physical pain-- we've all suffered the emotional hurt yet we DEFEND them and let them continue to toy with us. Shouldn't it be the same with the oven? Shouldn't we experience the hurt and try to avoid putting ourselves in the same future situations? Because we don't.


For future reference, if in doubt, run. If the guy wants you he'll chase after you. If he doesn't, you're saving yourself the unnecessary hurt.


And as for being alone, fear not. I am rarely if ever worried about ending up alone. I may not have a significant other to spend my time with, but that doesn't mean I'm alone. There's some pretty amazing people I call my friends and family, and I know they're always with me. They will love me no matter the circumstances and will help me get through whatever the situation.


After I broke up with a boyfriend of three years I felt alone. But as I look back I realize I chose to be alone. My friends were waiting to help me, but I wouldn't let them. It is easier to be alone and tell ourselves we are alone than to let others in for fear of their judgements. But I know that those who love me will look past their judgements and love me unconditionally. It's okay, we all need a little help sometimes...

Home is Where the Heart Is

"Home is where the heart is."

I used to hear this quote and think that it meant a home was a house that was filled with love, specifically from a family. Whether it was just a husband and wife that lived there, or children as well. It was a place that was filled with many hours of hard work and devotion. Not just a built structure but a place that is welcoming, cozy, inviting, because of the people that live there and the atmosphere they created.

Lately I have been waking up with this feeling of emptiness. I feel kind of lost. I do the same thing on a weekly basis. Work three or four days. Hang out with close friends. Make time to see family or those I've lost touch with. Do some house work. Watch a couple movies. And lose myself in a book. Where is the meaning behind it? I feel like I'm doing nothing, which it's summer, I have a legitimate excuse for doing nothing. So why am I not enjoying it?

I thought I knew what it meant to be home. I had agreed that "there's no place like home." Home for me was Toledo, Ohio, the place of my birth. It was the place I was familiar with, the place where all my friends were, the only place I really knew.

The longer I stay, the more I realize I'm a stranger to my city. I drive around and see that businesses have been demolished, others have change their name, new ones have been created. New people are moving in on the block, others moving out, and a high school I have strong ties to is changing. I come back and wonder how all of this could happen in the 8 months I was gone. I didn't realize I would come back and the Toledo I knew wasn't going to be the same Toledo I knew when I left.

As for the group of friends I hang out with and in a way, I feel like I'm intruding. I look at them and realize how little they have changed. They're the same great people they always were, but the schedule of the day and their personalities have not changed a bit. I come back and more people have been added to "the crew" and I sometimes feel out of place. I know that I have changed, but I wonder if they see it too? We don't know each other as well anymore. We know each others lives in Toledo, but for the past 8 months they cannot even fathom what my life in Midland has consisted of, and while I have a slim idea of their schedule here, I cannot guess to the full extent their first year of college.

I visited Midland the other day, thinking I would feel more at ease. It would be a nice day vacation from my feelings here. When I got there though, I felt just as lost as I did in Toledo. I drove onto Northwood's campus and could just feel the emptiness. It wasn't the same knowing that kids weren't in class. It had a different feeling to it than it did during the school year. I returned home confused and frustrated. I felt out of place in both cities, so where did I belong?

I have come to the conclusion that my feeling of emptiness is a result of being without my friends. While I have my good friends in Toledo, I no longer have the same ties to them and this city. Many of the people here have become acquaintances rather than friends, while in Midland I have the same familiarity I used to know in high school. Even if you don't necessarily know the person, chances are they're a familiar face you've seen around. It's comforting.

So, ask me now where home is. I've decided that home is where your friends are, where your comfort is. So, where do I call home? Toledo is still my home. I can always come here knowing I'm returning to open arms and support from my family and friends and those who love me. Midland is my home. Even though there are not many students up there right now, there are still a few close friends as well as some of my sisters. Home right now for me also is Brooklyn, MI, Troy, MI, Macomb, MI, Saline, MI, Holly Springs, NC and Chicago, IL. My heart is with people that live in these cities and will continue to be with them no matter where they go. So it's true what they say- Home is where the heart is.

The Bad Outweighs the Good

Have you ever felt that when you do something wrong everyone hears about it? Even more unnerving is when you do something really spectacular and nobody knows about it or chooses not to care. Why is that? Why does everyone enjoy taking pleasure in our poor choices or a once-in-a-lifetime mistake, yet no one wants to take the time out to say congratulations, nice job, or even thank you?

I can't answer that question for you, but if it's any comfort, I'm here to let you know you're not alone. I remember this same theory being taught to us in my marketing class in high school. Our teacher reminded us more than once that it is important to make the least amount of mistakes possible when it comes to your business or product. 'You may be doing something great,' she had said 'but it only takes one little mistake. A customer is more likely to share stories about a problem they had with your company/product than a good experience.'

What really gets to me though is that this concept applies to our daily news as well. I consider myself to be a fairly intelligent person, but when it comes to current events I'm completely clueless. Why, you may ask? It's a simple answer, really. I refuse to watch the news (well, most of the time). Most of the information or news I am knowledgeable about is through research on the web. I heard the basic piece of information from some individual and was intrigued enough to pursue the whole story. Why do I refuse to watch the news? Because it's all bad news.

Think about it. You turn on the news, what do you hear? There will most likely be a report about the economy being so lousy, people losing jobs, businesses closing down, numerous murders or robberies that have occurred, and of course, the latest on the BP oil spill. Think about it. You pull out the daily newspaper, what do you read? In Toledo you'll read an article about people losing jobs, money cuts being made, schools shutting down, murders and robberies, and of course, more about the BP oil spill. Why is it that all we hear is bad news? Well, I believe it has something to do with the fact that it's been proven that bad news sells.

So now my concern becomes, why is it that bad news sells? Why are we as people so interested in bad things? People always turn to the theory that listening to other people's misfortunes and being able to criticize them for it makes us feel better about our own lives, but is that really true?

After watching a half hour segment of the news, I honestly usually feel quite depressed. I don't understand how people can be so stupid, greedy, or cruel. I try to think back on something positive that was discussed, and the only thing I can usually come up with is something from the sports segment. It's upsetting for me. I understand it's important to be aware of what's going on in the world, and I understand that there are a lot of bad things that happen, but can't we include some of the positive things too? I want to hear more about people helping people, more about community events, more about community service. I want to hear or read a story that makes me think "wow, I am proud to be associated with this business, person, country, etc." instead of shaking my head and saying "tisk tisk tisk" because the government, community, some rockstar of the week, etc. has done something idiotic AGAIN.

I don't know about you, but I have my own problems to handle and big decisions to make. We don't appreciate it when peers are gossiping about our shortcomings or misfortunes. So why do we enjoy exploiting celebrities and political figures? Maybe there wouldn't be so many problems in the world if people stopped worrying about others mistakes and focused on fixing their own.

Time is of the Essence

As Americans, we are owned by our schedule. Ever since 1st grade we have been victims to assignment books- reminders that we need to schedule required homework somewhere into our evening plans. Whether or not we used them is one thing, but the idea was still there.

We are slaves to our schedules. Work schedules, class schedules, random crap we have to take care of throughout the week. They dictate what time we get up in the morning and what time we go to sleep, depending on what needs to be done. The more work, the more hours we put into a day. The more plans, you can count on less rest.

One day I asked my neighbors from Haiti what the biggest changes were when they came to America. One of their responses was the way that people live their lives. In Haiti they would wake up in the morning not sure of what they were going to do. Here people wake up with a whole list of things that need to be done and the time at which they are going to do it. The hustle and bustle of it all was a big change. Places to go, people to see. It's nice to get more things done throughout the day they had said, it was just a change in lifestyles.

I myself am addicted to my schedule. During the school year especially, I was very predictable. You could count on seeing me in the cafeteria or Midcaf every day at 11:30 eating lunch, and again at 5:30 eating dinner. On Tuesdays and Thursdays before my 10:00a.m. I would get myself a small french vanilla cappuccino to keep me awake through Public Relations and later Macroeconomics. There were many times I was reluctant to go out and do something because I didn't have it planned and would have rather stayed around the dorms relaxing, or vice versa, I forced myself to go somewhere because I had planned to do it, even though when the moment had come I really didn't want to.

As a child, when I would act up, I was always told "there's a time and place for everything." So in a roundabout way, there's a schedule for my attitude and behaviors too. Or is there? I've tried to manipulate my feelings through scheduling and planning, but rarely does it work out. I mean, like anything else it would have its ups and downs. Up: You break up with your boyfriend of three years and instead of spending six months crying about it, you schedule yourself a week time of grievance and after that week, voia la, you're single and ready to mingle. Down: How ridiculous would it sound when the guy you're dating goes in for the first kiss and you pull back and say "Excuse me, do you think we could try this again tomorrow? I wasn't planning for the first kiss to happen today."

Lately I've been attempting a confession (the same confession that inspired Embrace Opportunity). I've planned how and when I was going to make it, but when things didn't go as planned I chickened out. So there in lies my problem. I've been attempting to reschedule this confession, but once again don't know if it's the time. I want the perfect timing. After much frustration and a million texts ranting about my feelings, it was brought to my attention that maybe there is never really a right time. Maybe there are some things you can't plan, they simply just have to happen, like the first kiss from before. Who's to say that the time is right or wrong? It will happen when both people in the relationship are ready. Maybe I should give up scheming and trust my feelings for a change. Play out the situation with the feelings in my heart instead of the schedule in my head. Because when things don't go as planned, we panic.

Life's too short to let our agenda dictate our lives. While there are certain schedules we have to follow like work and school, there needs to be room for spontaneity. After all, can we say that we have lived life to the fullest if everything we ever did was already planned ahead of time? Where's the fun in that? So, to my planner, I apologize, but we must end ties for the summer. I am going to miss you in a way that most might not understand. It's going to be a long month and a half, but we will be reunited in August.

Express Yourself

I've always been the type of person who wanted to make everyone happy. I hate arguing or conflict of any type. I don't understand why or how people can be so mean. I consider myself a nice person with good intentions. I like to help people whether they need help doing something or just a friend to listen. I'm a go-to person when times get tough, and I like it.

I relate to people well. I can find some common interest, a bond, and build a conversation from that similarity. It's what I like to do. I enjoy people. I like to "study" people. What makes them go? What are their dreams? What's their life story? The stories are different for every person. One of my most overused phrases is "I don't judge." Now, I'm not a saint; that's not 100% true. Whenever people tell us something we subconsciously form a judgement in our head. Whether I judge to be good or bad, I can usually accept whatever it is. I may not approve of what you're doing or saying but it's your choice and I can't stop you. The only choices left from this are to accept you for you who are or to not associate with you. Taking the time to listen makes it easier to accept people because you have a better understanding. In many situations you can figure out why people are the way they are.

Like I said, because of willingness to help and my interest in people, I usually get along well with others. So when I come across someone who doesn't like me, I tend to get offended.

During a late night heart to heart with some of my favorite neighbors, Moe made a statement that stuck with me. "If everyone likes you, there's something wrong with you." My first thought was "No that's not right." But the more we talked and the more I thought about it, it makes sense.

I am a people pleaser. Like I said I hate conflict and would do just about anything to avoid a potential problem. I never want to pick or make decisions when I'm with a friend if it will affect us both for fear they won't agree with me or like what I choose. I'm always willing to make the sacrafice. Now I realize just how silly that is.

If everyone we encountered liked us, well, then it would seem as if we were only pretending. It would seem as though we are changing our personality, our beliefs, attitudes, behaviors, whatever, only to fit in. I should not abandon my feelings and beliefs just because I don't want to offend or upset someone else. Our opinions make us who we are. While similarities in interests and personality may help spark a friendship, it's the ability to make compromises that holds a relationship together. By forfeiting my feelings, I'm forfeiting my identity. People never get to know the real me.

I hope that after having read the word "pretending" you're not thinking I'm fake, because I'm not. I care about people. I always have and will continue to do so. From now on though, I am going to care for people in a way that shows I care about myself, too. How can you help and care for others if you can't help and care for yourself first?

Embrace Opportunity

"Don't let the fear of striking out hold you back." -Babe Ruth

This quote as well as the similar "Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game" have become popular motivational advice for young baseball players. Not only is it used for these young athletes though. Many people look to this quote when attempting to make decisions where rejection is a potential outcome. Whether you're applying for a job, looking for a significant other, trying to find new ideas at work, you need something or someone to remind you that it's okay that you didn't get what you wanted because there's other things, people, or ideas out there.

I am a nervous person. Applying for a new job and talking to a guy I like can become problematic, especially because I overanalyze everything. The second if not first scenario that comes to mind is yup, you've probably thought it at some point too, "what if they don't like me?" (whether it's the company, boy, etc.) Many times with this thought we remove ourselves from the game. You can't be rejected if you don't try. So the question becomes: is it better to have tried and have been rejected than to have never tried at all?

For me personally, I analyze the situation. If I'm happy or content with my life why try? I like the way things are going, why take the risk of being rejected and risk the unhappiness of feeling like I'm not good enough? If nothing's going right well then what the hell, I've got nothing to lose why not go for the gold? Go big or go home.

The problem is, I wish I didn't analyze the situation. I wish that I had the guts to take the risk every time. If I'm considering some option, then I'm probably considering it because I believe it would make me happy. Okay, so I might be content with life right now, but if things were to work out in my favor I would be that much happier. So by removing myself from the risk I may avoid rejection but could be missing out on happiness.

So here's where my question about this whole baseball analogy comes into play. In baseball, athletes practice to become better. They practice to avoid the strikeouts. Can we practice taking the risk? Whether it's teaching ourselves coping skills if we were to get rejected or making back up plans? Would it work by applying it to little options/situations in our lives and eventually working our way up to bigger ones?

I'm sick of chickening out and discrediting myself before I even take the chance. I know only I can change this, I just need to figure out the how. Everyone strikes out at some point, hell sometimes we're in a slump. But it's the recovery that counts. Do you have the guts, the courage, the mentality, and the will to make the come back? By removing myself from the game, I'm guaranteed to have no strike outs, but I could be missing out on my home run. So, it's game time. Put me in coach...I'm ready to play ;)

Appreciate Your Youth

From the time we're little we want to be older. As kids we play dress up, raiding our parents closets and putting on a purse and high heels (for us girls) or if you're a boy finding dad's work shoes and one of his ties. In this sense, pretending to be grown up is cute and shows our parents that we love and look up to them, but people's desires to grow up make me wonder...

As I look around at the youth (in Toledo at least), I worry about these kids and also worry what will become of the generations after them. I see kids that can't be any older than 13 walking down the street, cigarette in hand. There are the 7th and 8th grade girls that cake make-up on their face because society tells them it makes them pretty. In high school all anyone thinks about is getting out to go to college. Get away from the parents, the rules, the people. And finally, in college, there are those who opt for the fake ID, making them that golden age of 21. But why? Why does everyone want to be older? Why are we wishing away our youth?

Then there are those who don't necessarily choose to grow up but are forced to. Those kids who don't have the best lives at home, who work to pay the bills for whatever the reason, or take care of their baby sister or brother. They witness and are put through trials that force them to make decisions that they should never have to make and they mature too fast.

Society has made adulthood look appealing to youth in some way that I cannot grasp. Why for instance would someone at the age of 12 want to spend 30 minutes in the mirror getting ready for school? What would make kids want to smoke? What makes them think it's fun to do drugs and drink during high school, things that cause many kids trouble and sometimes lead to jail, something no child should ever have to experience, but do because of the choices they make. Is it because of what we see on t.v. and in the movies today? We as "adults" have become desensitized to what we see and allow the youth to watch what we watch without realizing that those watching with us are young and impressionable and pick up on what they see in a way we do not understand.

When talking to a former high school teacher the other day the topic of teen pregnancy came up. I was informed that approximately 15 sophomores alone were pregnant over the duration of the school year. 15 SOPHOMORES ALONE. That doesn't include seniors, juniors, and Heaven forbid, any freshman that might have been pregnant. Once these girls have their babies (and those boys who choose to be fathers) their lives will be turned upside down. Their definition of fun becomes different from those their age who do not have a child. At that point they are grown up and have to be because they're taking care of someone so young and vulnerable.

It's funny when you think about it--kids wish their time away, wanting to be older and yet, once adults reach a certain age, they wish they could be kids again. When they're kids and grandkids reach a certain age, a trigger is switched and they tell stories, reminiscing about their days in high school and college. The elderly would give anything to be young and more agile again instead of always in pain from things like arthritis or other health problems that arise after age sets in. Older women wish they didn't have to cake the make-up on to cover up wrinkles.

I can't lie and say that I've never spent time wishing that I was older for whatever the reason. But I can say after thinking about it I'm going to start appreciating what I have left of my childhood and youth. Maybe work a little less and play a little more--because after three years I'm not going to have any other choice. After that there's no turning back. You only get to live your childhood once. I'd rather spend it acting foolish and having fun than wasting it away wishing I was older, just to wish I could have it back.

There's No Place Like Home

I dreaded leaving Midland for the summer. Back to a not so exciting life of work and playing mom, back to responsibility; not that I wasn't responsible at school, I just had a little more room for recklessness. Summer vacation? I don't know if I would go so far as to call it a vacation. Not to mention I have to survive this drudgery without the companionship of my latest and greatest friends.

The first few days back were filled with unpacking (talk about a mess). Note to self: next time make a strategy to unpack instead of dumping everything in the middle of your floor, yikes. But as I go back to work and start hanging out with more friends, I've realized I'm happy to be home. It feels good to be missed. It feels good to see the faces and hear the laughter of those once familiar to me. I realize how much college has ostracized me from my friends from home. I feel guilty not having put in more of an effort to call and say "hey how's it going" or leave a text saying "just thinking of you, wanted to say hey". It's not that I didn't want to, it's just that sometimes life got a little hectic. I thought about doing it, it just never happened. I hope to rekindle those relationships that I may have let fall a little from my grasp and work harder towards staying in touch next school year.

But in the mean time, even though I may dread things like going to work some days or cleaning the house, I am going to enjoy my time home. I'm going to enjoy the familiarity, the little bit of relaxation, and the ones I love because after this year I don't know how often I'll be back. As much as I hated Toledo while growing up, it's really true when they say there's no place like home.

Lesson #2: Ignorance is Bliss

There's always those people you make fun of for being crazy, whether it's a teacher, a friend, a manager. This person does random things you can't wrap your mind around, or has extreme mood swings, or says things that leave you wondering. Normally you shake your head and laugh with the ability to move on, maybe sometimes it gets to you, it all depends on the situation. When you're talking about it with friends later you say things like 'they're crazy' or 'they've lost their mind'. With this 'insane' behavior you do a couple things. You use it to poke fun of the person. You use it as an explanation as to why someone does something. Or you might even use it as an excuse. But what happens when it's not just a way of describing someone's actions anymore? What if this whole time that person really was crazy.

A diagnosis changes everything. Maybe you started to notice a change in mood/behavior. Maybe you began to think 'this person is losing it'. You comment about it and crack jokes about it, but after a diagnosis, it's not so funny any more. You might have assumed something at first, but it wasn't a for sure thing. Once diagnosed it's much more real. You don't joke about it anymore because it's not funny.

Then you look back at the relationship you have with this person. In the case of a bad relationship, regret hits. Maybe it wasn't their fault they were so moody or so angry or said so many weird things? Maybe their legitimate craziness was the cause. Then it's 'I wish I would have been nicer. They couldn't help what they were doing, but I could have been the bigger person. I could have walked away. I could have apologized. There's something I could have done.'

And finally, you worry. First it's 'what will people think?' Will people begin to judge you when you're associated with someone who's sick? Will they begin to use that as an excuse when you do things they don't understand? Then it's 'what about me?' It could happen to anyone, and it did. 'Am I next?' What does one do to protect himself from becoming crazy? Like it's a disease that's contagious or something...

And the whole time all you can think is I wish I never knew. You'd much rather sit around and continue to make fun of it because it's just a joking assumption. It's not real. But the moment it's solidified you realize ignorance is bliss.

Judging Character 101

A year ago I could not believe I was walking across the stage at high school graduation. Where had the past four years gone? Okay, more like the past 18 years. It was time to say my goodbyes. Goodbye to Whitmer High School, goodbye to acquaintances, family, and friends, goodbye Toledo, Ohio. I was scared and excited at the same time.

As I look back, it seems as though those four years of high school combined took twice as long as my freshman year of college. Where has the time gone? As another one of my friend's said, I regret not having started a blog sooner. So a recap of this past year will have to do.

I remember my first day of freshman orientation like it was yesterday. In the moment it was fun, and it made me look forward to coming back after labor day weekend. As I look back on it though, I realize I had probably not made the smartest decisions, and that I was a lucky girl. This past year has come and gone and I feel like the past year was a bunch of similar situations like my first day-- fun in the moment, yet as I look back I wonder what was I thinking?

I am proud of myself in so many ways. Finishing my first year. Maintaining my place on the President's List. Making new friends. Being part of a fashion show. Joining a sorority. Learning how to play the guitar. Doing many things that I had never imagined myself doing.

I had my highs, but also had my lows and disappointments. Like any other college freshman, I came in terrified of how I was going to get along with my roommate. I am disappointed in myself for having been one to judge a book by it's cover. Having labeled my roommate before even arriving at school, I was rude and snobbish towards her. After living together for a year, I have come to love and accept her for the person she is. While I may not always agree with the things she says or does, I am able to tell her my concerns without worrying about her taking offense or being mad. I regret that first month that I pushed her away and sincerely apologize for my behavior. I feel as though my judge of character is my biggest problem. I am quick to judge and ostracize those whom I end up becoming close with, and originally accept those who let me down in the end. My biggest regret looking back on this year is being that naive freshman girl. Thinking that he really wanted me and didn't have an ulterior motive. The signs were all there and they all warned me, but I refused to listen. While I am disappointed in myself I can look on the bright side of the situation and prepare myself for the next guy that comes along. I know what to look for and not to fall so easily. I may have these regrets, but feel as though I am wiser from my experiences.

I am ready for a break from the education aspect, but am not ready to leave my social life for the next three months. Midland is now my home, my life. Going back to Toledo I feel like I am not going back to much. Yes, there are a few people I miss and want to see, but after a few weeks of being home I know I will want to come back. I'm going to miss the socializing in the dorms, the late night heart-to-hearts with my roommates and best friends, the pranks. As weird as it sounds, I'm already looking forward to my return in August!