There's A Fine Line Between Good and Bad

Good vs. Evil, a popular controversy.

While I often question the “evil” and lack understanding of their actions, I realize it is necessary to have evil in order to have the so-called “good”. For without “bad” actions we would have nothing to compare the actions of those “good-doers” to. We would simply all be the same, and who knows what our label would then be without the “good” vs. the “bad.”

There are occupations created in order to prevent the “evil,” policemen, lawyers, judges, our government (ha ha). It is their duty to protect their citizens and preserve honesty, and justice.

Justice. What is justice? Well, dictionary definition says that justice is the fairness or reasonableness, especially in the way people are treated or decisions are made. But really, lets face it; do victims of crime ever get the justice they deserve? What exactly is just for a murderer? Who’s to decide?

After watching the movie Law Abiding Citizen I began to question the actions of those considered “good.” How could Jamie Fox’s character make an agreement with the guilty that allowed him to get off with a lesser punishment? Not to mention the fact that the criminal lied in his testimony and his partner in crime is the one who was sentenced to death. This man sentenced to death wasn’t innocent per say, but he was falsely accused for the crime at hand.

So how are we to trust lawyers when they make deals with criminals? Jamie Fox’s excuse was if he didn’t make the deal the man would have gotten off without any sentence. Whether this man is released after a few years in prison or isn’t sentenced at all, he’s still returning to society. Would a few years in jail really chance his character? Gerard Butler's character didn't think so--all he wanted is what was right. Knowing that his attorney fought for the right thing (which wasn't making deals with criminals).

What about those lawyers who defend the murderers? Although some do not choose their case but are assigned to those who cannot afford one, what about those lawyers who take on the challenge of defending those who have been charged with murder. I cannot help but question the morals of those who choose to defend those who are without a doubt, guilty of serious crimes. In some cases it boils down to insanity. Okay, I can surrender to reason of insanity, as long as it’s the truth and not some made up excuse for the crime at hand.

And what about punishment? The death penalty? Is that the proper punishment? It’s a bit hypocritical if you ask me. We’re fighting out against the actions of murderers, against killing, and yet, there are court systems that kill as a means of punishment. So we fix killing with killing? What?

Parenting is another area where lines become hazy. A little boy gets angry with his sister and pushes her down. Punishment: a spanking. It’s the same idea as the example with the death penalty. How can we teach our children not to push, shove, and hit, when we’re punishing them with spanking. Are we saying it’s okay to hit someone when they’re wrong? Finding a proper punishment is challenging. Different people are affected by different things.

I think the intentions behind “good’s” actions are intended to be noble. The “good” simply want to eliminate as much bad as possible. But I feel as though the means they use going about it can be questionable. I understand that options are limited, but I don’t always agree with what is done. It’s a difficult thought though, knowing that even the “good” perform “bad” things. It's inevitable I suppose, but then are they still good? Can we as "good" people just have moments of weaknesses? Because then can't the "bad" use the same argument? What does it become?

First Time's a Charm

Comparisons. We as humans like to compare everything. Comparisons are like decisions--we make so many of them that a lot of the time we don't realize we're comparing something, it's second nature. We compare people, classes, the weather, the current day to previous ones. We compare it all.

Specifically, we compare repeat occurrences. What do I mean by this? Example: School. We go back every year and even though we're in a different grade level, we compare our sophomore year to our freshman year and so on. Example: We go to the same vacation spot twice. Example: We order the same meal at a restaurant more than once...Get it?

Sometimes when we compare repeat occurrences, we find that the second time was better than the first. Great. But a lot of times it seems as though the event doesn't get any better than it was the first time. In fact, in a lot of cases it might seem worse.

When we do something for the first time there is uncertainty. We do not know what to expect, so everything about the situation is an adventure. New atmosphere, new ideas, new things. It's exciting, maybe nerve-wracking. Therefore, everything that happens, whether bad or good, kind of puts you in awe or in a state of amazement. Not only is it a thrill, but it also becomes a memory. Every person has a handful of stories that could be classified as "first time" memories. From these first times experiences , we expect future situations to be the same. Example: Freshman year was fun, sophomore year will be just as fun.


For those good first time experiences though, it's hard to repeat that same joy/fun. If something is different we automatically compare it to what happened last time. We find ourselves telling stories of the previous trip, the previous school year, etc. "I had fun, but last year..."

When we do something more than once, we lose the "first time" feeling. There's no awe, no mystery. We no longer have to wonder what's going to happen because we have already experienced it, we already know. That rush from the unknown "what if" is gone.


You finish sophomore year and think to yourself, "Wow, sophomore year was nowhere near as fun as freshman year." Well, it makes sense. You've been through a year of college and are wiser than before. You learned lessons from last year and decide not to make the same mistakes. You study for tomorrow's test instead of stay out all night partying. You keep a lot of the same friends but maybe learn there are some people it's better to be acquaintances with. Some people from the previous year will have left and new ones will have arrived, but you pretty much know the scene. You don't wonder what's going to happen, if this professor will be challenging, or this party fun because you already know. You had fun your sophomore year, but the magic of being independent isn't quite as exciting because we know the consequences.

It's important to find joy and amusement in life. It's okay to be amazed and curious by the little things some people don't give the time of day to think about-- it makes every experience new. By looking closer, we notice things we have never seen before, and it brings back the awe, the magic.

With that being said, it's important to try to keep an open mind. Look at every experience as a new one, even if we've already done it. Find pleasure in life's little treasures. Things change. Instead of comparing a situation to how it used to be, accept it for what it is. Find something to enjoy about the new situation. If we can't look past the changes we'll find ourselves missing out on the joy and excitement because we were too busy reminiscing on something we can't get back.

Everything Changes

When ringing out the last customer of the night on Thursday, it became apparent a snake was being bought. Aquarium-check. Bedding-Check. Lighting-Check. Next time he returned, his tank would be set up and he would be ready to buy the snake of his choice. Okay, so what? I work at a pet store. People buy snakes all the time. What's so special about this customer?

After he left one of my co-workers informed me that our last customer of the night was terrified of the reptile. "Huh?" was the only thought running through my mind. "Yea," Scott said. 'He's buying a snake in order to get over his fear of them.' At this moment in time I had a great amount of respect for this customer. We as humans live in fear every day and sometimes let our fear get the best of us, yet here was this man who was looking his fear in the face and saying "What Now?!"

So, I got to thinking. What am I afraid of? What fears are stopping me from living?

Change. Life changes daily. The weather, our mood, our feelings, likes and dislikes, and much, much more. There are some instances in which I enjoy change. A new hair do, lose a couple pounds, new wardrobe. This type of change is refreshing. Often times when we change the way we look we feel good, we feel new. A new beginning and a chance for us to start over. Forget what needs to be forgotten and take the steps necessary to recover from a fall.

The change I fear, is the change that caused me to fall in the first place. It is the thing responsible for the lifestyle change I chose to make.


Someone whom I am very close with recently told me that it's impossible to get to know me. She said that I build a wall around myself and refuse to let people in. I didn't disagree with this for one minute because I know it's true. But I also know that as we grow older things are different. I realize people drift apart, we find new places to call "home", we become grown up. Things change. With this knowledge I have chosen to keep people out for I fear forming a relationship, loving someone, and having to experience the pain of losing that relationship and that love.

I choose to put my secrets, my life stories, myself, into different individuals whom I trust so that no one person has complete power over me. So that if one person were to abuse my trust, or leave, it is only a small setback. I will not be destroyed or devastated, simply upset by their departure. I see the way people forget so easily. Many people are no longer friends, but acquaintances. Memories.

I enjoy getting to know people, listening to their stories. But I'm the one who's always listening. No one gets the pleasure of knowing me. What experiences make me the person I am today?

While it's important to listen, I also feel like I have a lot to share with the world. No one made a difference by only listening. Those who made a change spoke out- loudly, passionately, proudly. So I'm challenging myself to break down the walls- to let others get to know me, for more than just the goofy girl I seem to be.

Changes in relationships allow us to form new relationships, new friendships, all unique and beautiful in their own way. We will know many people over our lifetimes, and many people will leave. But we learn lessons from these people- lessons that will stay with us forever.

It's ironic ya know, to be afraid of change, because the reality is, the only thing that can we can ever really guarantee is that things are going to change.

Choose Wisely

Making decisions can be hard. We make millions of decisions on a daily basis. What should I have for breakfast? Red shirt or yellow shirt? Should I study for tomorrow's test orrrr go hangout with my friends? Every action we perform is a decision we make. We know that the decisions we make impact our daily lives (whether great or small), but we do not always realize that every decision we make also affects the lives of others too. When your roommate goes to eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch for breakfast and there is none left, it is because of the decision you made yesterday morning to have that same cereal. When you decided to study, your friends too decided maybe they should study for another test and as a result you both get As.

When the ball is in your court it's easy to take credit for the good decisions that were made. It also leaves you to take responsibility for the not so good decisions. It's a tough lesson to learn, but it's a necessary reality check.

Unfortunately, sometimes the decisions that other people make affect us in a negative way. One of the most common examples seen today is divorce. Kids and teens are forced to suffer the repercussions of the decision their parents made, a decision that can sometimes scar a kid for life.

This happens a lot in life- being negatively affected by a decision made by someone else. A professor assigns an 8 page paper due next Wednesday, so we have to give up our weekend to write it. Our friend ditches out on the plans we made, so we have to find something else to do and become angry with them.

When making a decision it is important to remember that you must live with what you choose. It is critical to think about the negative outcomes that could potentially arise. Would you be okay if that's what happened? That's what regret is: wishing you had made the other choice. Will you regret that decision if this is the outcome?

We remember those times we were hurt by the impact of others choices. In the case of a divorce there's a "bad" parent and a "good" parent. This affects the way we make decisions, always being in favor of what the "good" parent wants, and disagreeing with anything the "bad" parent says.

It is important to remember there is a time when the ball will be in our court to make the decision, a decision that can severely impact the lives of those people around us. When these people are the ones that have hurt us before, the question becomes "Why should I help them? They've hurt me and now it's time to live with the decisions they've made." Rarely do we think of others when making a decision; we only think about ourselves. But there is a problem when you've studied the options and are choosing one that is not best for the whole. When you are making a decision only because it hurts those who hurt you.

Our pride tends to get in the way. "I've made it this far without you and I don't need you now." Maybe we have come far without their help, and yes, maybe we don't need it, but I think in most scenarios we want it. We wish we had the opportunity to go into the past and get back all the times we needed a parent, a friend, help. Don't be stubborn. It's a hard thing to do, forgive, and we will never forget. It's a process that requires baby steps and time, but it's one well worth it in the end. We can't change the past, but we sure as hell can make up for lost times.

You're Never Alone

For us single people, it can be painful to live from day to day and watch couples around us walk hand-in-hand being happy. For me it's not so much painful, but maybe a thought of 'I wish I had that' crosses my mind. Every now and then I miss knowing I have someone that loves me unconditionally, in an intimate way, more than "just friends."


For most women, I feel like one of our biggest fears is ending up alone. From the first time we watch our first romance movie, we can't wait to have a boyfriend of our own, to hold hands, to have a first kiss. Then to accompany our first love we experience our first break-up and wish we'd never liked him in the first place. Our friends console us by telling us that he was a jerk and we deserve better but we asks ourselves what's wrong with me? Why doesn't he like me? What can I change? From that point on we change and mold ourselves into what other people (specifically our flavor of the week) want us to be. For some reason we subconsciously think it is better to be unhappy trying to be something we're not than being alone.


We've all been there before. There's a guy. Sweet, charming, cute. Catches you off guard and WHAM, you've fallen off your feet (onto your face nonetheless). While attempting to pick yourself up from the fall you are too blind to realize that maybe he's not that great, and once again assume the position on your face while you're falling for his smile, jokes, and personality. You like the affection, the nicknames, cuddling.


Then one day you realize something's not the same. He's not calling anymore- you always are, and he's not answering. Not only isn't he answering, but he's not returning. But it's perfectly acceptable for him to call you when it's convenient for him. He does some questionable things and your friends warn you. Instead of agreeing you stick up for him, make excuses. "Yea, well he's been really busy lately..." or "He's just having an off day."


We always find some excuse. We're sure he still likes us. Well, from personal experience it's either one of two things. 1) He's not the person you thought he was or 2) He's just not that into you (whether his feelings deteriorated over time or he never really was in the first place but just liked the fun of it). We let them walk all over us and hurt our feelings, and yet we defend them. Why?


I tried researching this. I didn't know if there was some chemical in women's brains that made them hold on. I didn't find anything about any chemical imbalances, but did find an interesting fact: " Romantic rejection triggers the same circuits in the brain as does physical pain." This is an interesting point but confusing to me at the same time. For instance, when we're babies one of the lessons we learn is to avoid the oven. We accidently put our hands on the oven door and are burned. We then associate the oven with being hot, and hot with hurting. So from then on we try our hardest to avoid touching hot things. So why isn't it the same with guys and their antics? These rejections trigger the same circuits as physical pain-- we've all suffered the emotional hurt yet we DEFEND them and let them continue to toy with us. Shouldn't it be the same with the oven? Shouldn't we experience the hurt and try to avoid putting ourselves in the same future situations? Because we don't.


For future reference, if in doubt, run. If the guy wants you he'll chase after you. If he doesn't, you're saving yourself the unnecessary hurt.


And as for being alone, fear not. I am rarely if ever worried about ending up alone. I may not have a significant other to spend my time with, but that doesn't mean I'm alone. There's some pretty amazing people I call my friends and family, and I know they're always with me. They will love me no matter the circumstances and will help me get through whatever the situation.


After I broke up with a boyfriend of three years I felt alone. But as I look back I realize I chose to be alone. My friends were waiting to help me, but I wouldn't let them. It is easier to be alone and tell ourselves we are alone than to let others in for fear of their judgements. But I know that those who love me will look past their judgements and love me unconditionally. It's okay, we all need a little help sometimes...