Things Aren't Always What They're Cracked up To Be

I used to have my life figured out when I was little. Graduate from college, get a job, get married at age 23, start having kids at age 28, raise a family, and retire. Simple enough. I'm 20 years old now, 3 years away from that married at 23. While my plan was a nice thought, marriage is the farthest thing from my mind.

After watching the movie Blue Valentine, you could say that I've become somewhat of a cynic towards the idea of marriage. Statistically speaking, about half of all first marriages end in a divorce, a percentage that increases for second marriages, etc. Blue Valentine tells the story of a modern day marriage gone wrong. Taking place in the present, it flashes back to highlight how the couple got to where they are today, and times when they used to be happy.

There were two quotes in the movie that really hit me hard. The first came when the main character Cindy was talking to her grandma about falling in love. She said, "how can you trust your feelings when they can just change like that?" Well? It's true, ya know. We live in a society where everything happens so rapidly, we barely have time to think about decisions we're making. If we don't decide right away, we think our world's going to come tumbling down. So we make a decision and we jump, hoping that there's a big cushion to catch our fall. Today we like this boy band, tomorrow we think they're stupid. This year I like the brand new Blackberry I got, but when the latest version of the Iphone comes out, I decide I want that instead, it never ends.

When dealing with people, it's not quite the same. I'd like to think we don't treat people as objects, but I know that's not always the case. But for any matter, the point is that our feelings toward people change. Take high school for instance. How many people do you REALLY make an effort to keep in touch with that you used to be best friends with in high school? Or you room with one of your friends from the first year of college and then decide maybe you're not so compatible to live together after all. Our feelings change. It's just a fact of life. So I think Cindy's right, how can we trust our feelings, love, for instance, when our feelings change constantly. You can't know that the feelings for your spouse won't change, because you can't predict the situations you'll be placed in.

The second quote that got to me what spoken by Dean, the man Cindy falls in love with. He says: " I feel like men are more romantic than women. When we get married we marry, like, one girl, 'cause we're resistant the whole way until we meet one girl and we think I'd be an idiot if I didn't marry this girl she's so great. But it seems like girls get to a place where they just kinda pick the best option... 'Oh he's got a good job.' I mean they spend their whole life looking for Prince Charming and then they marry the guy who's got a good job and is gonna stick around." Do we just marry for security? Maybe. After looking at the high divorce rate, I personally can't say no. I feel that if a couple really married for love, that things like work, and money problems, etc. wouldn't be able to break them up. Every couple argues, but the couple in love would fight together until things looked up. But then again, love is a feeling, and feelings change, practically making the idea of love obsolete.

Like I said, my views are cynical, but these thoughts have been eating at me for the past week since I've seen the movie. It makes me thankful that I enjoy my time being single, and I know I will enter relationships with caution. Even after all my analyzation, I do believe in love. I have been there before and I know what it feels like. I will continue to believe in love, but these thoughts may just help me understand people and emotions and handle rejection better. I have no idea where life will take my from here, but when I do get married, I can only pray that I will find that one person and stay with him for the rest of my life.