I relate to people well. I can find some common interest, a bond, and build a conversation from that similarity. It's what I like to do. I enjoy people. I like to "study" people. What makes them go? What are their dreams? What's their life story? The stories are different for every person. One of my most overused phrases is "I don't judge." Now, I'm not a saint; that's not 100% true. Whenever people tell us something we subconsciously form a judgement in our head. Whether I judge to be good or bad, I can usually accept whatever it is. I may not approve of what you're doing or saying but it's your choice and I can't stop you. The only choices left from this are to accept you for you who are or to not associate with you. Taking the time to listen makes it easier to accept people because you have a better understanding. In many situations you can figure out why people are the way they are.
Like I said, because of willingness to help and my interest in people, I usually get along well with others. So when I come across someone who doesn't like me, I tend to get offended.
During a late night heart to heart with some of my favorite neighbors, Moe made a statement that stuck with me. "If everyone likes you, there's something wrong with you." My first thought was "No that's not right." But the more we talked and the more I thought about it, it makes sense.
I am a people pleaser. Like I said I hate conflict and would do just about anything to avoid a potential problem. I never want to pick or make decisions when I'm with a friend if it will affect us both for fear they won't agree with me or like what I choose. I'm always willing to make the sacrafice. Now I realize just how silly that is.
If everyone we encountered liked us, well, then it would seem as if we were only pretending. It would seem as though we are changing our personality, our beliefs, attitudes, behaviors, whatever, only to fit in. I should not abandon my feelings and beliefs just because I don't want to offend or upset someone else. Our opinions make us who we are. While similarities in interests and personality may help spark a friendship, it's the ability to make compromises that holds a relationship together. By forfeiting my feelings, I'm forfeiting my identity. People never get to know the real me.
I hope that after having read the word "pretending" you're not thinking I'm fake, because I'm not. I care about people. I always have and will continue to do so. From now on though, I am going to care for people in a way that shows I care about myself, too. How can you help and care for others if you can't help and care for yourself first?
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