We are slaves to our schedules. Work schedules, class schedules, random crap we have to take care of throughout the week. They dictate what time we get up in the morning and what time we go to sleep, depending on what needs to be done. The more work, the more hours we put into a day. The more plans, you can count on less rest.
One day I asked my neighbors from Haiti what the biggest changes were when they came to America. One of their responses was the way that people live their lives. In Haiti they would wake up in the morning not sure of what they were going to do. Here people wake up with a whole list of things that need to be done and the time at which they are going to do it. The hustle and bustle of it all was a big change. Places to go, people to see. It's nice to get more things done throughout the day they had said, it was just a change in lifestyles.
I myself am addicted to my schedule. During the school year especially, I was very predictable. You could count on seeing me in the cafeteria or Midcaf every day at 11:30 eating lunch, and again at 5:30 eating dinner. On Tuesdays and Thursdays before my 10:00a.m. I would get myself a small french vanilla cappuccino to keep me awake through Public Relations and later Macroeconomics. There were many times I was reluctant to go out and do something because I didn't have it planned and would have rather stayed around the dorms relaxing, or vice versa, I forced myself to go somewhere because I had planned to do it, even though when the moment had come I really didn't want to.
As a child, when I would act up, I was always told "there's a time and place for everything." So in a roundabout way, there's a schedule for my attitude and behaviors too. Or is there? I've tried to manipulate my feelings through scheduling and planning, but rarely does it work out. I mean, like anything else it would have its ups and downs. Up: You break up with your boyfriend of three years and instead of spending six months crying about it, you schedule yourself a week time of grievance and after that week, voia la, you're single and ready to mingle. Down: How ridiculous would it sound when the guy you're dating goes in for the first kiss and you pull back and say "Excuse me, do you think we could try this again tomorrow? I wasn't planning for the first kiss to happen today."
Lately I've been attempting a confession (the same confession that inspired Embrace Opportunity). I've planned how and when I was going to make it, but when things didn't go as planned I chickened out. So there in lies my problem. I've been attempting to reschedule this confession, but once again don't know if it's the time. I want the perfect timing. After much frustration and a million texts ranting about my feelings, it was brought to my attention that maybe there is never really a right time. Maybe there are some things you can't plan, they simply just have to happen, like the first kiss from before. Who's to say that the time is right or wrong? It will happen when both people in the relationship are ready. Maybe I should give up scheming and trust my feelings for a change. Play out the situation with the feelings in my heart instead of the schedule in my head. Because when things don't go as planned, we panic.
Life's too short to let our agenda dictate our lives. While there are certain schedules we have to follow like work and school, there needs to be room for spontaneity. After all, can we say that we have lived life to the fullest if everything we ever did was already planned ahead of time? Where's the fun in that? So, to my planner, I apologize, but we must end ties for the summer. I am going to miss you in a way that most might not understand. It's going to be a long month and a half, but we will be reunited in August.
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