Everything Changes

When ringing out the last customer of the night on Thursday, it became apparent a snake was being bought. Aquarium-check. Bedding-Check. Lighting-Check. Next time he returned, his tank would be set up and he would be ready to buy the snake of his choice. Okay, so what? I work at a pet store. People buy snakes all the time. What's so special about this customer?

After he left one of my co-workers informed me that our last customer of the night was terrified of the reptile. "Huh?" was the only thought running through my mind. "Yea," Scott said. 'He's buying a snake in order to get over his fear of them.' At this moment in time I had a great amount of respect for this customer. We as humans live in fear every day and sometimes let our fear get the best of us, yet here was this man who was looking his fear in the face and saying "What Now?!"

So, I got to thinking. What am I afraid of? What fears are stopping me from living?

Change. Life changes daily. The weather, our mood, our feelings, likes and dislikes, and much, much more. There are some instances in which I enjoy change. A new hair do, lose a couple pounds, new wardrobe. This type of change is refreshing. Often times when we change the way we look we feel good, we feel new. A new beginning and a chance for us to start over. Forget what needs to be forgotten and take the steps necessary to recover from a fall.

The change I fear, is the change that caused me to fall in the first place. It is the thing responsible for the lifestyle change I chose to make.


Someone whom I am very close with recently told me that it's impossible to get to know me. She said that I build a wall around myself and refuse to let people in. I didn't disagree with this for one minute because I know it's true. But I also know that as we grow older things are different. I realize people drift apart, we find new places to call "home", we become grown up. Things change. With this knowledge I have chosen to keep people out for I fear forming a relationship, loving someone, and having to experience the pain of losing that relationship and that love.

I choose to put my secrets, my life stories, myself, into different individuals whom I trust so that no one person has complete power over me. So that if one person were to abuse my trust, or leave, it is only a small setback. I will not be destroyed or devastated, simply upset by their departure. I see the way people forget so easily. Many people are no longer friends, but acquaintances. Memories.

I enjoy getting to know people, listening to their stories. But I'm the one who's always listening. No one gets the pleasure of knowing me. What experiences make me the person I am today?

While it's important to listen, I also feel like I have a lot to share with the world. No one made a difference by only listening. Those who made a change spoke out- loudly, passionately, proudly. So I'm challenging myself to break down the walls- to let others get to know me, for more than just the goofy girl I seem to be.

Changes in relationships allow us to form new relationships, new friendships, all unique and beautiful in their own way. We will know many people over our lifetimes, and many people will leave. But we learn lessons from these people- lessons that will stay with us forever.

It's ironic ya know, to be afraid of change, because the reality is, the only thing that can we can ever really guarantee is that things are going to change.